Tag Archives: holistic

How to naturally heal your interstitium

 

(NOTE: This piece was first published on the French version of my website on March 29th, the day after the news about the interstitium came out. It was mostly meant as a joke… but a few days later, my “prophecy” pretty much came true. I’ll explain at the end. In the meantime, enjoy my newfound superpower. Many thanks to Jonathan Jarry from the McGill Office for Science and Society and The Body of Evidence – highly recommended blogs and podcast – for helping me with the translation!)

 

Unless you live in the basement of a suburban cult, unless you don’t care about health at all, or unless you’re a Big Pharmonsanto shill, you must have heard the good news: researchers have discovered a new organ in the human body(yes, this is real news)

(Well, to be exact, they just gave a name to this “new organ”, which is not really an organ… and was sort of known already … but anyway)

 

In a nutshell, the interstitium is a network of cavities filled with liquid, which would serve as a shock absorber between organs. In addition, these cavities are found everywhere and interconnected throughout the human body. This makes the interstitium the largest organ of the body.

But hey, who cares, right?

What you really want to know at this point is:

I have spent most of my life (i.e. the last 30 minutes) reading everything that has been written on the topic, so as a pioneer of the interstitium, I would like to introduce my own range of products and services to pamper and care for this vital organ. 

 

FIRST BOOK!!!

First of all, this spring, I will publish the first book ever written on the interstitium:

In this book, I explain that the interstitium is in fact the 3rd brain and 2nd pancreas of the human body.

(the value and accuracy of these analogies are none of your business)

 

I also explain that since the cavities of the interstitium are all interconnected in the human body, it is quite reasonable to think that by targeting it, we can prevent and cure all the diseases that exist or will exist in the human body in the future. I mean, it’s pure logic.

Lastly, I stipulate that if the interstitium is a natural “shock absorber”, then it is quite obvious that taking care of it will prevent all kinds of shocks, such as:

  • Emotional shock
  • Post-traumatic shock
  • Septic shock
  • Cardiogenic shock
  • Generational culture shock
  • Chocolate cravings
  • Chucky
  • Etc.

 

FIRST SECOND BOOK!!!

This fall, I will also be the first to publish a second book (time flies, wow!) on the interstitium.

(I worked on my empathic facial expression all week-end, and it paid off)

To sum it up, you should choose foods that vibrate at the same frequency as the interstitium. As a matter of fact, the vibration of things is extremely important with regards to health, as experts say.

By a total coincidence, these foods are all those we already know are good for your health:

 

And what’s BAD for the interstitium? Well, it should be pretty obvious by now:

 

And the coolest thing about this is that it comes from:

(as opposed to what I do not personally consider to be “real science”, i.e. anything that calls into question or contradicts my words)

 

FIRST CLINIC!!!

In parallel with the release of my second book, I will inaugurate the very first health clinic dedicated to the interstitium IN THE WORLD!

(my logo kicks ass)

 

OK so we all agree that discovering new organs is a whole lotta fun but, ultimately, what matters is how to cure them.

Because yes, your interstitium, which you did not know existed 3 minutes ago, is already sick.

 

Here’s a made-up patient that I successfully cured:

 

You’ll also be the first to try my clinically proven, 100% natural health product:

(Please note that this product is not yet approved by Health Canada and that I do not intend to submit it for review, because I don’t have to)

 

Book your consultation (with me) now!

For more info, please contact my PR firm or lawyer. 

 

P.S. OK so this was mostly irony … The “new organ” bit is real news, but I found it funny to imagine how shady people could use this discovery to attract attention and/or to make money, as is the case right now with the gut microbiota. Seriously, you don’t need to worry about your interstitium… until proven otherwise…

 

Weird update: A few days later, the interstitium was proposed as a possible mechanism to explain the “efficacy” of acupuncture. As skeptics then pointed out, such a theory is ludicrous. But even worse, it looks like one the main scientists behind the discovery, Neil Theise, was already quite involved in the promotion of alternative practices. Truth IS sometimes stranger than fiction….

4 Half-Truths about the Acid-Base Balance and the Alkaline Diet

4 Half-Truths about the Acid-Base Balance and the Alkaline Diet

The other day, during an unplanned visit in a raw food and detox smoothies store…

Alkaline water to restore body pH

What a wonderful premise for a comic about Evil Acid and the Mighty Alkaline Diet!

According to some people, our bodies are full of acid and constantly fight to preserve the acid-base balance, which wear us out and make us sick. It is said to cause illness, such as osteoporosis, eczema and even cancer.

Acid-base balance and blood pH do matter a great deal in medicine. There is also available research on how diet can impact those.

Unfortunately, we only hear half-truths on the matter. As an example, you can read online about a so-called “alkaline diet”, made out mostly of fruits and vegetables, which allegedly prevents multiple illnesses. Websites and books supporting that diet are full of claims like:

  • “Meat increases the levels of acid in the body!”
  • “Fruits and vegetables are alkalizing!”
  • “Acid excess is unhealthy! ”
  • “Cancer cells cannot grow in an alkaline body! ”

Those statements are more or less true… but more often than not, they’re part of a discourse which has no scientific ground, spread by people who don’t seem to understand how the human body works.

hippie meme acid-base balance

Let’s sort this out! This comic strip examines 4 half-truths regarding the acid-base balance… and adds the missing pieces of information that make up the whole picture.

Translated by Patricia Rainville; proofread by Stéphanie Alcaraz-Robinson.

 

4 Half-Truths about the Acid-Base Balance and the Alkaline Diet (header)

Some foods are acidic

 

Some foods are acidifying or alkalinizing

Too much body acid is unhealthy

 

The body fights to maintain the acid-base balance

 

Boring conclusion

 

Better conclusion

 

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How to make a clinical trial say whatever you want

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Are you under the impression that clinical trials are constantly saying the opposite from one another?

That, mysteriously, new trials with awesome results appear every 30 seconds?

That you can always find that one trial that will prove your point?

That big companies manipulate data?

That shady websites only cite the conclusions that are good for them?

If so, you’re not wrong… and it’s super easy to do, by the way.

Here’s a guide on how to make a clinical trial say whatever you want it to say!

Translation by Gabrielle Larocque.

 

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How to make your milk NONTOXIC

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You’re probably aware that milk is a disgusting, toxic, white poison filled with blood and pus, threatening mankind every day.  I read that online.

If you drink milk, you will have cancer, osteoporosis, divorce and your credit card debts will increase significantly. You’ll also die one day because of dairy.

Chances are that you’re lactose intolerant too, because everyone is. So if you give milk to your kids, you’re basically a criminal.

But fortunately, I’ve found a way to make milk slightly better for you. Here’s how.

Translation by Olivier Bernard, proofreading by Lauren Knight.

 

How to make your milk nontoxic

Milk is white poison according to the Internet

I share my findings about milk on Facebook

Lactose intolerance mammals and the milk industry

You are lactose intolerant and also an idiot

Adding lemon juice to milk makes it less poisonous

Curdled milk with lemon kicks ass

The ultimate testimony about sour milk

 

A note from the author (me):

You think that the arguments brought forward in this comic are too good to be true, overly simplified and unproven? Well done! You should do the same with most of what you read on the Internet.

I created this comic in order to provide something more entertaining than all the propaganda articles found on the web about milk. Really, I believe it’s better to read the above-written crap than anything found elsewhere, because at least my crap doesn’t take itself seriously.

A few things to consider about milk:

  • Milk is not unhealthy. But you don’t “need” to drink milk to be healthy. Dairy is an excellent source of protein, calcium and vitamin D, but if you can find those nutrients elsewhere, go for it.
  • Milk does not have positive, negative or otherworldly properties. It’s a food… and you shouldn’t choose foods according to whether they allegedly have special benefits (because they don’t).
  • Milk does not make your bones weaker. What studies actually say is that milk is not enough to prevent fractures, which comes to no surprise.
  • No, there is no pus, blood or bacteria in milk… if it’s pasteurized. As for antibiotics, the industry is (fortunately) under a lot of public pressure to stop using them routinely in livestock.
  • 9 to 23% of Caucasians are lactose intolerant, compared to 60 to 100% of African-Americans and Asians, so we’re very far from the “epidemic” that some people speak about; it has more to do with genetics. Also, lactose intolerant people can still consume dairy moderately.
  • Some large-scale, well-built studies suggest that people who drink a lot of milk have a higher mortality rate and a higher risk of developing some types of cancer, but these studies cannot conclude that milk is the cause. People who drink more drink may have other risk factors, such as having more sugar or fat in their diet. People who consume a moderate amount of dairy don’t seem affected by this.

In the end, my impression is that the anti-milk panic exploding online right now comes from activists trying to stop the exploitation of livestock. I am 100% with them regarding the need for ethical treatment of animals, but if this requires demonizing milk, telling outright lies and making me feel guilty to drink it… no thanks.

 

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5 lies about detox and toxins

5 deceits about detox and toxins (header)

Have you heard about toxins? 

I know a few. Let’s see: snake venom, the botulinum toxin, the tetanus toxin… well, that’s it. I can’t name any more of them. 

Unfortunately, the word “toxin” has entered the popular language and is now used for pretty much anything: pollutants, heavy metals, fecal matter, microbes, gluten… hell, even stress supposedly generates toxins. 

According to some shady individuals, toxins are everywhere. They also talk about “metabolic waste” that accumulates and must be eliminated from our bodies; otherwise it’ll make us sick. 

At the holistic shop (and at the pharmacy, sadly), you’ll find a range of products that promise to eliminate these toxins and “clean up the system.” They often carry statements such as: 

  • Detox
  • Cleanse
  • Internal cleansing program
  • Supports a healthy liver
  • Protects and eliminates liver congestion
  • Promotes fat burning and weight loss (yeah, because that’s the real goal)
  • Etc. 

Manufacturers of these products make a fortune after the holiday season as they manage to convince people that they must “find balance after this period of excess“. 

Unfortunately, detox is a huge scam. So-called “cleanses” contain nothing but obscure herbal mixtures with no real purpose, as well as diuretics and laxatives that make you go to the toilet more frequently. Sounds like fun, huh? 

For educational purposes, let’s laugh a little at these ridiculous products. Let’s also examine the key deceits their manufacturers use to extort money from people. All statements found below were taken directly from their websites.

Translation by Olivier Bernard, proofreading by Lauren Knight.

 

5 deceits about detox and toxins (intro)

 

Toxins and pollutants exist since the industrial revolution

Life expectancy and health in the past and today

 

You must cleanse your system after the holiday season

 

Toxins prevents vitamins and nutrients from being absorbed

What naturopaths say about cleanses

 

 

You must help your organs to eliminate toxins and waste

My test to assess whether your organs are functioning or not

 

Food and waste accumulates in the intestines

Detox cleanses contain laxatives
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