Do you feel like JUICING?
Yes? Well that’s great, because as it happens, I’m launching my own juice cleanse!
Such cleanses are ultra-popular and expensive right now, so I figured I could make big, fast money.
But first and foremost, I wanted to create something that did not exist: a juice cleanse with honest health claims. Popular cleanses promise detoxifying, alkalizing and anti-cancer properties… but the people who sell them obviously don’t understand (or voluntarily exaggerate) what science really says.
So I took typical descriptions of various juice cleanses found online (shown below, with the red X on them), and I made them more realistic.
Get ready for an overdose of turmeric, ginger, chlorophyll and activated charcoal!
Translated by Valentin Nguyen.
Posted in Comics
Tagged activated charcoal, added sugar, alcohol, alertness, allergies, Alzheimer's, anti-cancer, anti-inflammatory, antibacterial, antidepressant, antiemetic, antiviral, apple, asthma, athletes, athletic, bad breath, beets, beneficial, benefits, blend, blood, bloodflow, bodily functions, body, bogus, bones, bottle juice, bromelain, broths, caffeine, cancer, carotenoids, cayenne, cell, cellular level, cereals, chelator, chlorophyll, chocolate, cigarette, cilantro, claims, clean, cleanse, cleansing, cocoa, coffee, companies, contaminate, curcumin, cure, dairy, dangerous, days, defenses, dendritic, deprived, detox, detoxify, diet, digest, digestive system, disturb, drain, eat, effective, eleminates, emunctory, energies, energy, excessive, exercise, extrapolation, eyes, farts, fatigue, feel like crap, fibers, flatulence, formidable, free radicals, fruits, ginger, gluten, green, habits, hair, headache, healthy, heavy metals, heme, hemoglobin, hippie, holistic, humans, hungry, hydrate, immune system, in vitro, inflammatory, intensive, internal, juice, lead, lemon, lemonade, lifestyle, lightness, living foods, lymphatic, maca, magical, meat, medications, medicinal, mercury, metabolism, molecule, mucous membranes, nails, natural, natural protection, naturally sweet, nausea, neurotoxins, nitrates, nutrients, nutritional value, organs, oxygenate, pain, partial, photosynthesis, physical performance, pineapple, plants, poison, pollutants, pollution, prevent, processed food, progression, properties, proteins, proven, purify, rats, receptor, red blood cells, regenerate, rehydrate, remedy, research, risks, shady, skin, sleep, smoking, soda, solid foods, soothes, sprouts, stomach, stress, sugar, superfood, tap water, taste, taste buds, tenderize, theobromine, tissues, tonic, toxic, toxicity, toxins, turmeric, useless, vegetables, vigilance, vitamin C, vitamins, waste, water, well-being, whole grains, yoga
You’re probably aware that milk is a disgusting, toxic, white poison filled with blood and pus, threatening mankind every day. I read that online.
If you drink milk, you will have cancer, osteoporosis, divorce and your credit card debts will increase significantly. You’ll also die one day because of dairy.
Chances are that you’re lactose intolerant too, because everyone is. So if you give milk to your kids, you’re basically a criminal.
But fortunately, I’ve found a way to make milk slightly better for you. Here’s how.
Translation by Olivier Bernard, proofreading by Lauren Knight.
A note from the author (me):
You think that the arguments brought forward in this comic are too good to be true, overly simplified and unproven? Well done! You should do the same with most of what you read on the Internet.
I created this comic in order to provide something more entertaining than all the propaganda articles found on the web about milk. Really, I believe it’s better to read the above-written crap than anything found elsewhere, because at least my crap doesn’t take itself seriously.
A few things to consider about milk:
- Milk is not unhealthy. But you don’t “need” to drink milk to be healthy. Dairy is an excellent source of protein, calcium and vitamin D, but if you can find those nutrients elsewhere, go for it.
- Milk does not have positive, negative or otherworldly properties. It’s a food… and you shouldn’t choose foods according to whether they allegedly have special benefits (because they don’t).
- Milk does not make your bones weaker. What studies actually say is that milk is not enough to prevent fractures, which comes to no surprise.
- No, there is no pus, blood or bacteria in milk… if it’s pasteurized. As for antibiotics, the industry is (fortunately) under a lot of public pressure to stop using them routinely in livestock.
- 9 to 23% of Caucasians are lactose intolerant, compared to 60 to 100% of African-Americans and Asians, so we’re very far from the “epidemic” that some people speak about; it has more to do with genetics. Also, lactose intolerant people can still consume dairy moderately.
- Some large-scale, well-built studies suggest that people who drink a lot of milk have a higher mortality rate and a higher risk of developing some types of cancer, but these studies cannot conclude that milk is the cause. People who drink more drink may have other risk factors, such as having more sugar or fat in their diet. People who consume a moderate amount of dairy don’t seem affected by this.
In the end, my impression is that the anti-milk panic exploding online right now comes from activists trying to stop the exploitation of livestock. I am 100% with them regarding the need for ethical treatment of animals, but if this requires demonizing milk, telling outright lies and making me feel guilty to drink it… no thanks.
Posted in Comics
Tagged acid-base balance, acidic, alive, alkaline, antibiotics, autoimmune, bacteria, blood, bones, cancer, carcinogens, children, cow, cow's milk, cruel, curdled, cure, dairy, deadly, debuning, detoxify, disgusting, evidence, facts, fracture, frightening, government, healed, health, healthy, hip, holistic, horrors, immune system, industry, intolerant, juice, kids, kill, lactose, lemon, lemon kills cancer cells, lemon water, lies, mammals, medical associations, milk, miracle, morning, myth, online, osteoporosis, panic, poison, poisonous, proof, propaganda, prostate, pus, rational, raw, schools, scientists, sour, species, studies, superfood, testimonials, toxic, white